Before Amar got mad in his thoughts, the doctor had arrived. He asked the doctor what was the condition of Raghu. The doctor said “the patient’s condition is not so critical. Certainly, it has some long-term impacts. He would suffer from thyroid disease, massive hair loss, extreme skin dryness, extreme panic attacks. So you will have to keep supporting him.” The attempt to commit suicide was neither successful nor failure. It left Raghu deprived off the very purpose of living. That was worse than dying itself. Did he deserve this punishment? Or was it a curse? Amar could not think of anything other than this for a month. Visiting hospital had become his daily routine. Sometimes for Raghu and sometimes for Radha. He informed in the office about Raghu’s condition. He also helped in getting medical insurance.

Amar had just come from office and was looking very tired. Radha came to him and asked that she wanted to go to Pavitra’s birthday party. She thought he might not agree. Raghu was still thinking and changing his cloths. Radha did not dare to ask him again. She just kept quite and went to get some coffee for him. Raghu did not like to attend the party. He was thinking of some reasonable justification to avoid going to the party. He came to kitchen and told her that he was feeling tired. He could not accompany her and neither could he let her go alone. She was convinced and did not argue about it.

After a while there was a call from Pavitra. Amar had picked up the call. She requested Amar to send Radha. Amar did not have a choice but to go to the party.

They went to a restaurant, not a lavish one, but good enough to have a party. Pavitra was busy in speaking on mobile, giving directions to the people who were attending the party. She asked them to sit inside. Subbu was not seen there. Hesitantly, Amar asked Radha about Subbu. She said she did not know. Amar was happy that he did not have to speak about his kind of classical music. Since neither of them knew anybody there, they seated in a corner leaving two seats. There was a slow music playing of his favorite song. He was listening to the music quietly. Some kids were staring at the fishes in aquarium. Amar thought someday he would also bring his kid. After a while Pavitra had come along with many of her friends. Every body started occupying the seats. Most of them were from her office. Once everybody took their seats, she stood up and announced that she would introduce her friends. She started with the couple sitting next to her. On the way she introduced Amar and Radha also. The cake had been brought. The regular ritual had been carried out: putting off the candles, pasting the cake over Pavitra’s face, raising a toast, ordering for the drinks and food. Almost one hour had passed; a couple entered asking excuses with Pavitra. Amar and Radha were discussing with the couple sitting in front of them. Amar turned around to see them. It was none other than Sirisha, ex-wife of Raghu. Amar was shocked and staring at her. Pavitra called up everybody’s attention and said those were Madhav and Sirisha, recently got married.

Raghu's Mother saying ----------

“Ever since Sirisha (Raghu’s wife) went to her mother’s home, Raghu was devastated. Initially he skipped break fast and dinner. I do not know what he was eating for lunch. He took up drinking and used to come late in the night. I tried to console him. But his pain seemed to grow much more deeper by each passing day. Somewhere I had a hope that he would be able to recover after sometime. One night he came at 12 in night. I was still awake. I asked him to have dinner. But he refused and went to sleep. At around 2’o clock, as I woke up to drink water, I heard a kind of moaning sound. It was coming from Raghu’s bedroom. Initially I was scared. Then I slowly went to his bedroom, and stood by the door. He was weeping and talking to himself. I came to know that he was tortured every moment by her thoughts. Everybody were showing pity on the front and laughing at him in the back. He started hating everybody. He was not able to move along with his friends. He stopped attending parties.”

She paused for a while as she was going to tell an inconvenient truth about her son. Amar did not say anything and make any move, just to assure her that it’s ok to tell to him. She slowly said, “he thought, he was impotent that’s why his wife left him. He started abusing her. It went on all the night. I did not want to disturb and let him cry. It would relieve him off his pain.”

“One day he was getting ready for office. I suggested him to take a break and go to uncle’s place so that he can forget all for sometime. He liked the idea. After two days he said he was planning to go to Delhi. May not be uncle’s place, at least he decided to go somewhere. The next week, He went to Delhi. Yesterday he came back in the evening. He was looking better than before. He relaxed for sometime watching TV. I thought he was recovering from his agony. When I went to his bedroom in the morning, he was still sleeping. I was checking up his bag and putting his clothes for washing. There was a prescription slip for 25 tablets in his trousers. I did not think much about it. I carried on with my work. After a while I went to his bedroom and checked. Still he was not awake. Then I started doubting that he had done something to himself. I quickly called Dr. Khanna and asked for the details of the pills. Those were sleeping pills. Then I called hospital and admitted him immediately.”

She was gasping “I can not see this anymore. I can not.” Amar said, “He called me sometime back and wanted to meet me. But I was busy in my work. I made a mistake. I should have talked to him. This situation would not have come now.”

She wiped her tears and said “it’s not your mistake. He ruined his own life. There is nothing you can do about it.”

Amar was waiting there for sometime to meet doctor. He was recalling Raghu’s mothers words. The day before he took sleeping pills, he returned from Delhi. Why did he go to Delhi? Has he met Sirisha there? These thoughts kept creeping in his mind.

Nearly after a month, Amar was in a Café Coffee day with one of his colleagues discussing his sales targets. A group of six people dropped in there. Subramanian was one among them. Apparently there were 3 pairs. Subramanian seemed to have a great time with his girl friend. They were laughing loudly and making noise there. His look was completely changed. Now he had a small beard like a goat. Amar was staring at him. His colleague asked whether he knew anybody there. He said he did not.

Amar: I was just wondering how they could live like that. No responsibility.

His colleague: They are freaks. They see the guys in MTV and pretend to be like them. They think themselves Rock stars.

Amar: See their dressing. Disgusting… None of them have sense of dressing.

His colleague:  They call it style… fashion…

Amar: God only knows about their fashion.

After making some nasty comments on them, they continued discussing their targets. After a while, Subramanian left on a racer bike decorated with different colors of stickers in different forms, guitar, drums and what not. By looking at the bike anybody could make out that he was a music freak.

Amar reached home late in the night, after discussions with his colleague. Radha was not feeling well. She had slept before he came. His mother had opened the door. He asked where Radha was. She said Radha was not feeling well, had some pills and sleeping. Amar was about go to her bedroom she stopped him and asked him not to disturb her. She helped him in serving the food. Amar asked her whether Radha had seen the doctor. His mother said she did not. They keep stock of some medicines for emergency. Amar assumed she would have taken one from them. After the dinner, Amar went to the bedroom and checked her temperature. She was awake.

Radha: Had dinner?

Her voice was little blunt.

Amar: Yes. How are you feeling now?

Radha: Better.

Amar: What pills did you have?

Radha: its there on the table.

Amar checked up the pills.

Amar: Do you have any body pains?

Radha: Now it’s better.

Amar: did you eat anything?

Radha: I had dinner.

Amar: Ok. Get sleep. If you feel more pains, we will go to doctor.

When Amar woke up from the bed, Radha was still sleeping. He kept his hand on her brow. She had high temperature. He immediately got up, refreshed and took her to see doctor. Many patients had been waiting for the doctor. Radha slept keeping her head against Amar’s shoulder. After waiting for few minutes, they had been called inside.

            Doctor checked her pulse and heart beat. She asked Radha, had she missed her periods. Radha said she missed this time, otherwise it was normal. Doctor prescribed her some pills. She said to Amar that it was normal fever. Then she said Radha might be pregnant. Amar smiled with joy. He had been waiting for this moment since long time. Doctor suggested consulting a gynecologist and undergoing a pregnancy test to confirm it. When they came out of the hospital, Amar wanted to say Radha that this was the happiest moment in his life. But Radha did not bother to talk about it. So he felt little disappointed by her indifference. Amar said to Radha that they would go to gynecologist right away. But Radha was feeling too tired to go any where else. Amar took her back to home.

Next day, they went to a gynecologist. Radha’s blood test report confirmed that she was pregnant. Amar was grinning from ear to ear in the joy of becoming a father. He did not get sleep last night. He had been brooding over the pregnancy and the care they should take. He had thought of the names of babies too. But he did not come to decide on any good name. Radha was running in her second month. The doctor had prescribed a complete course.

Amar distributed the sweets in his office. He was wondering his friend Raghu was not seen any where around. He tried to call up him on his mobile. It was switched off since yesterday. He thought he might be busy in his work. After a while, he started doubting that there could be something else. He went to his home. It was locked. He asked the neighbors. They said Raghu tried to commit suicide and he was admitted in the hospital.

In the hospital, Raghu’s mother was waiting outside the ward as he was in ICU under examination. As Amar went there, she burst into cry. Tears dripped out of his eyes. He consoled her. She started explaining the situation.

EPISODE # 4

            The handsome guy approached them along with a woman. The woman was also smiling at them. She wished Radha, “Hey Radha! How are you? So long time to see you.” Amar was mistaken. She was not staring at him. She was looking at her old friend. Amar took a deep breath. The man was Radha’s friend’s brother. Radha had introduced Amar to them. Her name was Pavitra and his was Subramanian. Amar remembered that he had seen them in their marriage album. They were Malayalies. The two women went on discussing about their school days and recollecting their past experiences. Amar came to know that both of them had studied in the same school and college. They went to a restaurant to have dinner. Since the two women were deeply involved in their conversation, both of the men did not get opportunity to speak anything. So Amar had no other option but to speak with Subramanian.

Amar: So… what do you do?

Subramanian: I am a musician.

He did not look like a musician. He was a tall man with a French bread.

Amar: What do you play?

Subramanian: I play almost every thing, guitar, flute, piano, veena, etc. I teach music to students.

Amar: Good. What kind of music do you teach?

Subramanian: I teach Karnataka classical music.

Amar thought he must be a very old fashioned guy. But his dressing was not quite old fashioned. He was wearing a good jeans pant and a T-shirt.

Amar: Why didn’t you try in film industry as a music director?

Subramanian: I don’t like to work for movies.

Amar: Why? There is lot of money and name.

Subramanian: Everybody’s aim is not just making money and getting famous. I play music for myself.

Amar: oh. Ok.

Amar thought he was getting serious. He did not want to mess up with him asking some more questions. He kept calm for some time.  He was getting bored. He wanted to move as fast as possible.

Pavitra: Are you getting bored?

Amar: No. Not at all.

Subramanian: I got to catch up my friend. Pavitra, can you come by Auto rickshaw.

Radha: Don’t worry Subbu, we will drop her.

Amar gave a strange look at Radha. But Radha did not even look at him.

After waiting for one long hour, they went for the dinner. Meanwhile Amar called some his old friends and colleagues to kill the time. Amar and Radha dropped her off to her home. On the way back home, Amar asked her

Amar: She seemed to be your close friend, isn’t she?

Though it was a stupid question, he did not get anything to get over to the conversation.

Radha: Yes. We are very close friends. We studied in the same school and college. She moved to Delhi for higher studies. I did not meet her after our marriage.

Amar: How about her brother?

Radha: What?

Amar: I mean do you know her brother very well?

Radha: Not so well. But yes. I know him since I know Pavitra.

Amar: He must be a serious guy.

Radha: No, he is not a serious guy at all. He is very jovial. Might be this is your first encounter with him, he would have behaved strangely.

Amar: Could be. Usually all classical musicians are serious fellows.

Radha: He is not a classical musician. He works for a rock band.

Amar was shocked.

Amar: This is ridiculous he said, he teaches classical music.

Radha: He always lies about his profession.

Amar: But why?

Radha: He does not want others to comment on his profession and preach him to take up some good profession.

Amar: Does he lie with everybody?

Radha: No. Only with strangers.

That’s it. Many thoughts started pouring in his mind. About the guys of rock bands.

EPISODE # 3

Amar and his friend were sitting in a park. His friend, Raghu was sobbing. Amar was consoling him. His tears were dripping out of his eyes.

Raghu: I did not know she had an affair with her colleague.

Amar: When did you come to know?

Raghu: Yesterday I saw them in a restaurant hugging each other. I confronted with her. She asked for divorce. I was shocked.

How can she do this to me? How can she cheat on me?

I have always been a good husband. We never fought. There was no problem at all. Why did she want to break up our relation?

Amar: What did she tell, why she wanted to split-up?

Raghu: She did not say anything. We argued for 2 hours. She does not have any clear reason. She said she likes me as a person. But she does not love me. She just does not want to live with me. Before I lost my temper, I came out of the house.

Amar: She does not have any reason.

Raghu: How can I tell this to my parents? How can I show my face to society? Everybody will think I am impotent.

Amar: Did you try to convince her?

Raghu: For what?

Amar: Not to go for divorce.

Raghu: Why the hell should I convince her? I am not the one who is involved in extra-marital affairs. I will divorce her. I can not live with a woman who slept with somebody else.

Amar: Divorce is always not the solution.

Raghu: She does not have any guilt of what she was doing? Then why should I?

Amar got up from his bed, went to the hall and started watching TV. He looked frustrated. Raghu’s words were recurring in his mind. I can not live with a woman who slept with somebody else.

Amar thought it was true; any man can not live with a wife who had slept with somebody else. He was more frustrated because Raghu’s wife wanted to split-up with out any reason. What possibly could be the reason for divorce? Raghu was a nice guy. He was almost like him. And one of his close friends. Nothing seemed to be clear. He kept on thinking for long time. It was almost impossible to run away from the thought. Finally he thought, since she was independent and working, she can afford to take any such erratic decision. He was afraid this can happen to him also. There was a less probability. Radha was not a working woman. She would never happen to meet some strangers and blindly fall in love with them.

Amar did not go to office on Saturday. He was still in the bed. It was 8’o clock, Radha went to wake him up. But she thought he was not feeling well. She did not disturb him. After half an hour, Amar woke up and went to kitchen. Radha was preparing break fast. He hugged her from behind. Radha was astonished. He never did like that before. She was bit embarrassed that her mother-in-law might come to the kitchen. She asked him to go and have bath.

All the day he was in home. He did not touch his novel at all. He spend time gossiping with her and watching TV. Today he seemed to be very happy. Radha really did not know the reason. Since he was free, Radha asked him to accompany her to temple. He was happy to go with her.

They were sitting in the temple. The atmosphere was quite holy with the fragrance of the dhoop sticks. Amar loved to go to places with her. She was also enjoying his company. He wanted to stare at her beautiful face and make her smile always. He kept staring at her for some time. She was looking at some thing else. He turned to see what she was looking at.

There was a tall and handsome man who had a charm of film star, coming to their side. Amar’s heart sank as he saw her staring at him. She did not even mind that her husband is with her. There was a beautiful smile on her lips which Amar had never seen before. He was getting mad about it. He was coming towards to them.

EPISODE # 2

Radha was as beautiful as a Jasmine, with her innocence reflecting in her petal like eyes and chubby cheeks like a baby. Her lips were red and glossy luring the butterflies to fall upon them. She wore a thin golden chain which was sparkling on her neat neck. She was walking in smaller steps raising her hands unusually as if a soldier was marching. She had a bag slung on her shoulder which was pretty big for two books.

She was the elder among the two siblings. She was studying in Govt. Junior College for girls.  Her brother was studying in one of the best schools in the town. Since she was a girl, education was never her priority. Her mother used to pester her to help in domestic work. Radha had failed in one of the subject. She used to blame her mother for the failure, though she did not have to do any work during exams. She did not like to study. She was happy that she did not have to score good marks.

Radha’s father was a school teacher. He did not want to spend much money on his daughter’s education. He saved money for her marriage. Though dowry was legally a crime, it was mandatory in their community. But he spent lot of money on his son’s education. He did not expect dowry for his son. He wanted him to attain a good position in the society.

Radha was walking down the street from the college along with her friend. Two guys were standing at the corner of the street. One of the guys had been following her for the past couple of months. She knew that guy. She was pretending to be talking to her friend. She watched from the corner of the eye whether the guy was standing or not. Yes he was there. She started speaking a bit louder so that he could hear. She crossed him and entered the play ground. She did not turned back thinking that it might provoke him. After she passed some distance, she heard a bicycle was coming in their way from the back. Before she turned, the guy appeared before her and stopped the bicycle across in front of them. He wanted to do the stunt like a hero in the movie, but he could not. He had a red rose his hand. She looked at him. He had a strange smile. He said in a slow voice, “I am Raju. I love you. Please accept this rose.” She was frightened. She moved across and started walking fast. Her friend was laughing and following her. He called her again. She did not turn. He went back. She came home running and told the whole thing to her mother. Her mother said, “Don’t worry. I will tell to your dad. He will look after it.”

Amar switched off the light. He kept the book and his spectacles on the table. He slowly moved into the bed. He put his hand around her waist. He sensed that she was awake. He moved closer and pulled her to him. Her hair still had the fragrance of shampoo. He slowly kissed her neck, ears. She slowly turned around. As she turned, he planted a smooth kiss on her butter filled lips. She opened up a bit. They started with lousy kisses and small bites. Slowly she took off her clothes and he his. They had a very good sex. She completely enjoyed the sex with him. He knew all delicate intricacies of her and made her happier every time. It went on until both were exhausted. They were warm and naked in one another’s arms.

Sometimes she wondered how he knew all these things. Did he have sex with anybody else? Then she consoled herself that he hardly would find time to do all such activities. First he had to flirt and take her to some places. Then he had to convince her that he was a reliable person to have sex. This process usually takes at least one or two months. She had some of her friends who were actually involved in such affairs and used to tell her their experiences. She wondered how a man could be so tactful in convincing a woman. She was sure Amar did not have the skill. Despite, she always had an eye on him. She used to observe his behavior when he was talking to her friends. She would also observe where he was looking at. But Amar was proven to be very decent and good husband. She was getting the comfort in his arms. She slowly slipped into slumber like a child in mother’s lap.

After two weeks, Radha was watching a movie on television. The telephone rang. It was Amar on the call. He would not call her unless it was very important. She was keen to know what had happened. Amar asked her whether she had lunch. She did not expect that caring from him. Then he slowly said that he had booked tickets for a latest movie. He would come at 5.30 and pick up her. She hung up and started thinking what had happened to him these days? She kept thinking for some time and could not guess the answer. She concluded what ever happening was good for both of them.

She had been waiting for him. He did not come. Finally he arrived at 6.30PM. He apologized for being late. It was not too late. They went to the theatre. The movie had already begun. They missed the first half an hour. It was an English movie. She was less interested, since at some instances, she could not understand why the crowd was laughing. During the interval, she asked him what the name of the movie was. He understood she had lost the interest. They quietly returned to home. She had already cooked before going to movie. After dinner they went to bed without much talk.

It was midnight at 2’o clock. Amar woke up. He had got a nightmare. He seemed to be very much disturbed by it. It was probably about his wife. He was awake and thinking.

EPISODE # 1

It was a beautiful evening. The tides were rising to the skies. The breeze was warm. A puppy was chasing a kid. Radha was not listening to Amar. She was worried that the kid might fall. Her husband, Amar was telling her about his office and boss. She was not bothered. This was the first time he had brought her to a beach in their four years of married life. Though she had visited the beaches couple of times, it was the first time she was visiting the beach in the city. She had requested her husband couple of times, but he never found time. Today he came early in the evening and suddenly asked her where she would like to go. After thinking for a while she preferred going to beach over cinema. She was bored of watching movies all the day on television set.

        Amar asked her if she was getting bored. After a moment, she said she was enjoying the evening. He went to bring them bhel puri. She loved to eat bhel puri. When she was in college she used to eat a lot of them. After marriage she had only a few times, only when she had been to her home town. She never prepared bhel puri at home thinking about her mother-in-law. Since her mother-in-law had ulcer, she had to prepare only for herself. Neither she went out, nor did her husband bring such stuff. For that matter, he never asked her what she liked. He would hardly be in the house to talk to her. She never complained about this. She was happy with the style of life she was living. She had all the luxuries. Now she was bored of this life. She was bored of being luxurious. She did not have any problem. Her mother-in-law was a very good person. She never ordered her for any thing. If she wanted, she would help herself in the kitchen. The only time she asked Radha to help was when she was ill. Amar was such a nice person Radha had ever met. He did not complain her of food at any time, no matter how bad it may be. But sometimes she felt she did not know him at all. He was an introvert. He was ambitious too. She did not even know what he wanted to achieve in his life.

        Amar had brought bhel puri. She started eating. She liked the taste. She was eating quietly. Amar was staring at her. She was very beautiful. Her tresses were slowly floating with the breeze. She was the one who he wanted to marry. She was beautiful, educated (not so well), adjustable, caring and modest. He was never in love with anybody before. He did not want to marry a modern and well educated girl. He thought the modern girl would not be virgin. It was obvious for a virgin to expect a virgin. He spent nearly two year to search a girl like her. Today he was happy that he got a very good wife.

        Amar thought she was not interested in his office affairs. He just wanted to talk about something. He asked her, “Did you ever love anybody?” She was surprised with his question. He never suspected her. But why was he asking now? She did not want to ask why he was asking. She just answered “yes”. Then she corrected “No”. He asked her, “yes or no.” She said, “No, I did not love anybody before.” He asked her again, “It’s ok if you had loved anybody. You can tell me the truth.” She was afraid; he was thinking that she had loved somebody. She said earnestly, “Really I did not love anybody.” Though he was not much convinced with her answer, he said, “ok, don’t be afraid.” There was a silence for a moment. She was still worried if it would bother him. She was repenting for the small mistake. He thought they should make a move now.

        They went to a restaurant and had dinner. During dinner they did not talk much. After returning to home, Radha changed her clothes and did some domestic chores. She had arranged the bed and pillows. Amar took out one of his favorite book and started reading. Radha brought him some water and asked him if he need anything else. After finishing all her work, she went to bed. Amar was still reading the book. In fact he could not concentrate on the book. He was thinking whether she had really loved somebody. She would not have. Why wasn’t it possible? She was such a beautiful girl. At least somebody would have proposed to her. He just peeped whether she had slept or not. She wasn’t. He slowly called her. She was awake.

Amar: Are you not getting sleep?

Radha: Yes

Amar: Why don’t you read some novel?

Radha: I never read any before.

Amar: Why can’t you try now?

Radha: I will try some time.

Amar: If you read something you will get sleep early.

Radha: Some times you would be reading till midnight.

Amar: My case is different. I love to read novels. If the novel is interesting, I can not stop myself.

Radha: Why do you read novels?

Amar: To gain knowledge.

Radha: Why do you want to gain knowledge? You are a well settled person.

Amar: Some times our experience will not be sufficient to face the circumstances. This knowledge will be useful during that time. We know the things happening around us. But through these novels and books, we can travel around the world and know the stories of other people.

Though it was unnecessary conversation, he was waiting for the opportunity to confirm that she did not love anybody before. He could not dare to ask her again.

Radha: Why did you take me to beach today?

Amar: You wanted to go.

Radha: Why was it today suddenly? There must be some thing.

Amar: I am promoted as a district sales in-charge officer.

Radha: That’s great. You should have told me before.

Amar: You did not ask me.

She wondered how a person could be so introversive like him. She turned aside and closed her eyes. She pretended to be sleeping. In fact, she was thinking about the incident at the beach. Then she remembered the guy who proposed to her when she was in 10+2. He was the first person in her life.